My guilt concious is increasing!!

Another morning...another tough situation.How to get out of the bed.Its so damn chilly outside and a small baby is sleeping holding my hand, clinging onto me. I pray, God please for today let my steeping out of the home and going to work be an easy task..

But there are times i think God favors babies.
I try to sneak out of the bed, trying to fool golu of my presence with a pillow.I tip toe out of the room and here comes a cry!!!.

This has become my everyday routine.Golu at 11 months is now more than intelligent to realise that his mom and dad with leave him and go to the office.
There will be hours where he will have to be with his grand parents(trust me they take care of him much more than what I can).

Golu's crankiness increases as the time for us to leave approaches.
When he sees me getting ready, he doesn't want to play or eat or drink anything.Only cling!!

Sneaking out of home doesn't seem right to me, but I am not left with any option.
Oh dear, at times I hate myself for wanting to work, for leaving him.His sad eyes penetrate my soul.
Its only me who knows how I leave him everyday and go to work.
I miss out on his acts of innocence, his naughtiness.
he expresses himself so well without even saying anything.

Someone has truely said " Eyes are the windows of soul"

I just wish someday I have the strength to hear his cries and not cry and be at peace with myself.